Opinion: The Negative Impacts of Shame Culture
Damaged goods. Deflowered. Impure. One could run the gamut of tropes that have been ingrained in popular culture about the concept of virginity. Ranging on a spectrum of degradation, these terms seek to communicate one thing only: after a person experiences sexual intercourse, they are fundamentally changed.
These cultural narratives tell conflicting stories of a person’s autonomy over sexual experiences, especially for victims of sex trafficking. For example, consider the dialogue around virginity. Colloquial language patterns include transactional phrases, such as “they took my virginity” or “I gave him my virginity”, implying that virginity is an expendable item that can be given and taken.
Furthermore, most cultural patterns indicate differing expectations and shame patterns based on one’s gender or sexuality. You can probably recall a time in your own past when a female was derided for making certain fashion choices or sexual choices and contrast that with a time that a male was lauded for being “good with the ladies” or a “playboy”. Our language is riddled with signals of our perspectives on sex and sexuality, and unfortunately, these signals reveal toxic and harmful attitudes.
Not only is virginity a heteronormative social construct, but these cultural attitudes imply that once a person has penetrative sex, they are somehow less whole, less worthy or unable to have another sexual encounter as meaningful as their first. This is untrue. A person is just as valuable, whole and capable of love and being loved no matter their sexual history.
So far, we’ve discussed the burden that women face when scorned for their personal choices. But what happens when individuals are shamed for sexual activity that they can’t even consent to?
Before we continue, let’s make one thing clear: at Dressember, we celebrate the autonomy of all individuals in making sexual decisions, whether that’s partaking in or abstaining from sex. Many cultures and religions stress the psychological and social benefits of choosing abstinence, or teach abstinence through a spiritual lens. We believe that diversity of culture and religion is what makes the world special. However, we also believe that some patterns of shame can hurt individuals. This is not a critique of those who choose abstinence, but rather a call to action to refrain from deciding someone’s worth based upon the decisions they make for themselves.
Shame culture perpetuates polyvictimization.
Oftentimes, we may consider the way shame culture affects those who have had sexual experiences of their own choosing. However, we forget about how shame culture can affect individuals who don’t have autonomy over their sexual experiences. Researchers have coined the term “polyvictimization”, which refers to having experienced “multiple victimizations such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, bullying and exposure to family violence.” When survivors of human trafficking are reintegrated into a trafficking-free lifestyle, they still may face social pressures, bullying, name-calling, physical violence and even honor killings in some cultures. This kind of treatment greatly hinders survivors’ journeys of recuperation and is the opposite of what they need.
Shame culture encourages further violence against women.
USAID shares how in some societies, family honor and social standing is contingent upon females’ sexual “purity”. In countries such as Iraq, there are strong social stigmas around the concept of female virginity. With almost impossible standards, any perceived compromise of a girl’s “purity” can lead to extreme social repercussions. This can lead to drastic measures in order to adhere to social norms, including honor killings, marrying girls to their rapists or intense restrictions and beatings. USAID shares that girls who flee honor killings are at higher risk of being trafficked into prostitution. In fact, women in Iraq have no legal grounds for protection, as the Iraqi penal code does not have enough provisions against trafficking to protect survivors. Furthermore, Article 41 of the Iraqi Penal Code No. 111 of 1969 gives a husband legal right to punish his wife, encouraging the construct that women who produce familial “shame” deserve to be punished.
Shame culture magnifies mental illness in survivors.
Although honor killings are more culture-specific, the pattern of shaming survivors of sex trafficking is almost universal. Survivors and those trapped in cycles of abuse and trafficking are far more likely to experience mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. One study shared that 75% of a group of survivors of sexual assault reported feelings of shame and self-blame.
Shame culture leads to fear of reporting, perpetuating the cycle.
One of the most pervasive avenues of human trafficking in the United States is massage parlors, where message therapy is used as a front for illegal sexual services. EndSlaveryNow explains how fear of deportation, fear of being villainized by law enforcement and shame keep victims trapped in a cycle that they can’t escape. If victims do not believe that reporting and getting help will make their lives better, whether that be due to social stigma, feelings of worthlessness or misunderstandings of legal protections, they may feel compelled to remain in the human trafficking system.
The bottom line: as a society, we are far too quick to condemn victims of human trafficking for their sexual activities without taking the time to understand that these individuals are victims of a crime. Those who are trafficked face an almost unbearable burden: to be victimized, and then held accountable for their perpetrator’s crime. In order to stop this tragic cycle of polyvictimization, violence and shame culture, we have to stop making judgments based on what people choose to do with their bodies. Instead, we need to move towards a culture of celebrating and centering women’s voices. By creating a culture that empowers women to make decisions about their bodies, we can dismantle toxic norms of blame and shame.
When women are empowered to make decisions about sexuality unencumbered by shame or other social pressures, there is less risk of girls entering into forced marriages, violent situations and human trafficking. A study of the post-traumatic growth of human trafficking survivors found that positive relationships with community members are considered the “greatest instrument of healing, through offering long-term commitment and belief in the individual.” Thus, one of the greatest ways a community can provide support to survivors is by being a community that advocates for bodily autonomy and protection. Whether you choose abstinence or whether you choose to engage in sexual activities, be sure to ask yourself, “How can I create a shame-free culture and hold space for others—especially those who have been victims of sexual violence?”
About the Author
Millie Vieira is pursuing a degree in International Politics and Dispute Resolution from the sleepy surf town of Malibu, California. Whether she’s practicing foreign languages (she is currently working to master Spanish, French, and Portuguese), keeping up with international politics, or devouring novels by foreign authors, she is always searching for ways to broaden her horizons. During her free time, you can find Millie exploring California’s national and state parks, going to concerts in Los Angeles, and studying for the LSAT.